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留學生Essay寫作如何做好Cohesion?

發表時間:2019-07-29 15:50:37

      Cohesion就是銜接,是留學生Essay寫作中中一個很重要的評價標準。很多留學生在平時Essay寫作中,主體段已經做到了有觀點、有例子,字數也不差,但總是被評價為展開不夠、說理不清、不好follow,很多情況下就是因為沒有注意cohesion。那么我們留學生應該怎么在Essay寫作中做好Cohesion以達到文章銜接緊湊、邏輯嚴謹的效果?

留學生Essay寫作如何做好Cohesion?

    1、開頭結尾不要廣撒網


    在國內學習時老師們總是強調開頭結尾點題、能把主體段觀點paraphrase清楚就好;但很多人根據中文寫作的習慣;喜歡開頭鋪開、結尾再眺望,這樣開頭和結尾就會出現主體段沒有展開的觀點。自我檢查中一個很重要的標準是看開頭結尾中出現的人和物在主體段有沒有涉及。

    案例

    In order to complete a creative task, would you prefer to work alone or with others? Use specific reasons or examples to support your answer.
    如果我們以:1. Team work provides additional perspectives that individuals overlooked.和2. Working in team can improve efficiency by distributing the task among a group of people. 為主體段觀點,下面兩個引入:

    A)    Society functions on effective communication, as more and more companies stress the importance of harmony between colleagues as a way to improve working efficiency.

    B)    Under intense competition, personal career success depends more and more on our ability to deliver high-quality results efficiently.

    分析:B)要明顯好于A),因為A)中提到的effective communication對于社會的意義、workplace harmony在后文中都沒有得到呼應。而B)中提到的內容,在后文中都得到了進一步說明:1. 為什么要討論這個題目 – 因為涉及“個人職場成功與否”;2. 什么叫成功?– 工作成果質量好且工作效率高;3. 怎樣提高質量和效率?– 團隊合作拓寬思路、團隊合作分工協作。

    2、注意檢查句間指代


    很多留學生在Essay寫作中都容易出現指代不明的問題,作為專業Essay代寫機構,我們也受到太多修改潤色文稿,經常會看到客戶出現這樣的問題。

    比如:

    Being able to express one’s opinion and to accept to other people’s criticism are both essential for improving communication between coworkers and the harmony of office. They allow them to understand each other professionally and personally.
    首先,第二句用了兩個“他們”,分別指什么,作者沒說明白。其次,如果仔細分析,前一句給了兩組復數名詞,一組是兩個abilities(表達能力+接受批評的能力)、一組是兩個結果(communication + harmony);這樣一來第二句”them to understand each other”中的“them”和“each other”都是指誰呢?實際上這是缺少指代對象的語法錯誤。

    在自我檢查指代問題時,應該注意以下幾個標準:

    1)單復數是否一致,上文students下文有沒有誤寫成he/she;

    2)是否所有代詞在上文都有具體指代的對象;

    3)慎重使用value(價值觀)、character(素質)這種比較空洞的字眼,因為這些詞一般要求下文做出具體解釋來縮小文意,很容易導致內容跳躍。

    3、加入必要的說理解釋


    Essay寫作中,很多人喜歡用觀點句+例子這種結構作為主體段的內容。這種結構的好處是觀點一目了然、明確具體;壞處是觀點和例子間容易缺少必要的磨合、例子顯得過于片面。這時,就要通過適當解釋使段落過渡自然、層次分明。我們用一個簡單例子說明:

    案例

    Raising professors’ salary is an effective way to motivate them to spend more time on education. It is well known that private universities in the U.S. pay their professors a higher salary than public universities. At the same time, these universities are also ranked the highest in most academic rankings, because their professors conducted more academic researches, contributed more papers to journals, and, on average, spend more time giving instructions and seminars to students.

    這個例子觀點比較明確、也有相應的例子;但是觀點和例子間還是有一些“落差”:Why are professors NOT motivated in the first place? How would a high salary help? 因為這些問題沒有解決、后文例子只能被看作一個泛泛的correlation(相關)而不是嚴謹的causation(因果)。那么,什么樣的解釋才能把觀點和解釋有機聯系在一起呢?

    首先,解釋應該把觀點句中的遺留問題解釋清。Raising professors’ salary is an effective way to motivate them to spend more time on education. → Professorship requires years of investments in higher education. However, compared to other educated professions, professors are relatively lower-paid, which means that some of them take part-time jobs with private firms in their spare time, rather than spend more time on researches.

    這樣解釋,觀點-解釋-例子是不是被統一起來了呢?也不完全。因為例子實際上還是對段首第一句的解釋說明、而讀者的注意力已經被拖著過了幾句話。想讓讀者的注意力自然過渡,例子應該回應說理中加入的觀點?!? which means that some of them take part-time jobs with private firms in their spare time, rather than spend more time on researches. → It is well known that private universities in the U.S. pay their professors a higher salary than public universities. In doing so, these universities ensure that professors are paid as much as their equally educated counterparts in large firms such as executives or business owners. At the same time, these universities are also ranked the highest in most academic rankings, because instead of taking part-time jobs to subsidize their living, or working overtime in offices, their professors conducted more academic researches, contributed more papers to journals, and, on average, spend more time giving instructions and seminars to students.

    這時我們看到觀點-解釋-例子已經成了一個有機的整體。

    最后應該強調的是,句間銜接是一種批判能力。這意味著平常練習中,不是單純心里想著句間要銜接就可以;更重要的是成文之后、要冷靜下來仔細分析一遍自己的文章按照上面的標準檢查有哪些內容沒有展開、哪些內容是自己明白但沒有解釋透徹。這樣正式考試時才能做到邏輯嚴謹。

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